Right Now

I have another "normal" blogpost waiting in the wings...waiting for me to feel more "normal". The way things have been the past few days, that may not happen.

Right now I am trying not to take any meds they didn't say I HAD to take...which is only the Dexamethasone (right now, 2 a day - they are tapering me off). I don't like being made to feel any more different than I already do, which is A LOT DIFFERENT. 

Today I have succumbed to the anti-nausea meds, though, which has me a bit spacey, but I am determined to get something written here, and maybe even finish that other post.

But just in case there is anyone looking for side effects of WBR and other info, here is where I am right now:

**Dizzy / light headed - been that way for a good while now. David and I actually walked outside last night. He had to learn to hang onto me like someone's 80 100 year old granny. It was a beautiful cool evening, odd for August, so I knew it was time to get out and air my head. If you followed my blogging from 3 years ago, you know this was a nightly event on my part and hugely therapeutic.

So, he walked me to the end of the block and back...and that was all I could handle. I then sat on the front porch and just breathed for a while. Which, with the way my lungs have been lately, is saying something.

**Doing too much coughing for my liking, especially at night.

**My handwriting has changed. I noticed this in the past couple of days. It's a bit like a child's and I have to think about which way things go. Not happy with this side effect, obviously.

**As mentioned earlier, I fight nausea at times. And with the occasional coughing fit, it does not help. I am ready to get some chemo in me next week and start killing whatever is growing in my lungs. Praying, praying, praying that that happens.

**Headaches. Not terrible usually, and I think the Dex is supposed to be helping there, but they come. I have taken to wearing different glasses. The weight of my other trendy frames was seeming a bit much at times.

**I am sensitive to smells. Strong food or perfumes or whatever odors are just too much at times.

**Certain food commercials gag me. We eat an awful lot of garbage in this country, and it's all over the television. I resent every one of them, for some reason. The lies are just too much, I guess.

**I am tired a lot. Period.

**Favorite foods are watermelon, clementines, nectarines, blueberries, just about any fruit, and for some reason, refried beans - black or brown. I love my Japanese green tea (thank you Megumi and family), which I find myself sipping several times a day. I am drinking a crazy amount of seltzer water, too. It has to be fresh and cold and not diluted with ice. Feels good on the tummy and I enjoy any belching that follows. Life's simple pleasures.

**Yesterday the hair went. It was coming out in handfuls, and my precious husband gently worked to get rid of the offending mass that was creeping me out. I read that your head can be tender with WBR, so he was extra careful. The follicles had been tender for a couple of days or so, but no probs with the cutting. I am glad to be done with it. No cute photos or anything this time (like in a previous blog). It was just a nice private time  between the two of us.

So that's a bit of where I am at the moment...today...right now. I don't like the feeling that my brain is not normal now, and am praying that once the swelling decreases (assuming it does) that I will begin feeling more like me again. I HATE feeling so different, and knowing it's not due to medication or whatnot, but that it's what is physically happening inside my own head.

Keep praying. I'm making it, just keep praying.