Been a bit silent lately, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I reached a point where I just couldn't talk about myself anymore. Didn't want to think about it...talk about it...share my feelings and thoughts. Pretending things are "normal" and nothing has changed since the last Thanksgiving.
Of course, when I stand before the mirror, hatless and unclothed, I am quickly reminded that things, indeed, have changed since last year. I look like a character from a sci-fi movie. The one with a shaved head, unibreast, 10 inch scar, and a port and catheter protrusion under the collarbone. Am I the good guy or bad? It's hard to tell. I kind of want to be the bad guy...the one who's slightly psycho, with a wicked gun and a wicked determination to kill any cancer that gets in her way.
Make that the good guy...cancer is the bad guy.
I do look a bit intimidating though, especially now that my hair has started to come in...and is very dark. Even the eyebrows, that had thinned out more than I realized, are coming in darker than before.
At least the drain is gone. That left a week ago and, after 3 1/2 weeks with that little surgery souviner, I was a happy girl when they informed me they were going to pull it. And pull it they did. Thankfully, and considering there was a good 12 inches of tubing under by skin, I didn't feel a thing. It helps that I've lost so much feeling on that side.
Dr. Cross warned me, though, that since I'm so thin and the drain was continuing to put out more fluid than they wanted to see, I should expect fluid to build up under my skin and NOT TO WORRY! "Fluid can NOT hurt you." He was pretty adamant that if fluid did build up, I should not be calling him in a panic at midnight. Seriously? Do I look like the panicking kind?
I think it was time for that drain to go...I had absolutely no fluid build up under my skin. So buh-bye and good riddance to that thing. (And hello to showers and sleeping on my left side - I love my left side.)
I'm beginning to get a more normal range of motion in my left arm. I still cannot lift it like my right arm, but it's just good to know things are improving.
My energy level is much improved. I spent a good bit of Thanksgiving in the kitchen and doing normal activities around the house, which was one of many things I gave thanks for on that day (and everyday).
I've had a few setbacks lately and things are not going as perfectly as I would like, but overall I am feeling great, moving forward, and determined to continue fighting this so I can celebrate many more Thanksgivings with my family...giving thanks for the greatest of blessings. Life.